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Investment Advice From A Spammer?

Well, for about two months now, John has been spamming me once per week on three different email addresses. His purpose for emailing me it to help me make sensible investment decisions.

Now, most spammers will spam you once, and then be done with it, but this guy seems to be stupid enough to think that I want financial advice from him every single week. So, after a good 20 to 25 pieces of spam in a two month period (that comes to almost one every other day) I decided it was time to eviscerate John online.

Let's take a look at his most recent message:

Thoughts From The Frontline

Ah...this is the title of his oh-so-helpful newsletter. It's a good title. It makes you realize that John is out there in the thick of the battle, fighting for your best interests. Of course, I've never heard of John before, so I'm not really sure which 'frontline' he's thinking from...maybe he's a local garbage collector, and 'the frontline' is the local landfill? I dunno. Well, let's move on.

I have had so many letters of late asking me what I think of and/or know about the existent of the so-called Plunge Protection Team, that mysterious group of government officials who secretly prop up the stock market when it drops too much, that I am going to jump in where wiser minds would just leave the subject alone.

This is the very first sentence of his newsletter, and it gives us a picture of John, once again, hard at work answering the hundreds and hundreds...perhaps even thousands of questions from people like you and me who rely on him for investment advice. But, truth to tell, I have no way of checking up on whether anyone but his siamese cat has ever asked him for advice.

The first line also lets us know how modest he is...after all, there are wiser minds out there. Nevertheless, John is so relentless that he will offer his pitiful advice, even though he is perfectly aware that he should leave the question for smarter people.

Already I trust him so much...

What follows is a rather lengthy tedium in which he quotes various other (apparently wiser) sources, and drops names in a most embarrassing manner.

I won't bore you with it all.

But the final piece of entertainment in this whole foolish mess...

Opinions expressed in these reports may change without prior notice. John [spammername] and/or the staffs at [spammerwebsite] may or may not have investments in any funds cited above.

Oh good...he thinks it's good advice, but not so good that he's willing to bank on it himself. I feel so secure.

A Helpful Hint
The point of all this is not that John is a fraud. He may be. He may not be. Who cares? The point is that anyone can buy a domain, get a website built, buy a mailing list, and none of it requires even a speck of investment know-how. In plain, simple terms, Do not take investment advice, medical advice, or any other kind of advice from people whose only credentials are that they know how to send spam!

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