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I Feel Like Opus The Penguin

Does anyone remember that old Bloom County cartoon series where Opus the Penguin was supposed to marry Lola Granola, but he forgot about it? And suddenly it's the week before his wedding, he reads the announcement in the newspaper and freaks out?

Yeah, well that's kinda how I felt today when I got the latest piece of spam in my inbox. The title looked like this:

Re: Marry Me

And the spam proceeded to tell me how I can get access to live webcam feeds of teenage girls doing all sorts of unnatural things.

Now, I thought I had seen the depths of stupidity in an email, but this one really took the cake. (And I don't think it was a wedding cake, either)

Think about it. What do the two letters 'Re' signify? They indicate that someone has replied to an email of mine, regarding the subject posted. In other words, this email subject line is designed to look like a response to a letter I sent titled 'Marry Me'.

So...as I said, I feel like Opus. Frantically, I try to remember when in the world I sent out a marriage proposal by email. And then, of course, comes the real sense of dread as I wonder, who in the world did I send that marriage proposal too?

Okay, so I'm being a bit tongue-in-cheek here. I'm virtually certain I never sent out a marriage proposal by email.

Similarly, I'm fairly certain that there aren't many guys out there who are anxiously awaiting email replies to proposals. So the real question is: who do these spammers think they're fooling?

And suddenly it all comes clear! Clearly the spammers have access to statistical studies heretofore unknown by the general public! But I shall break the silence, and make the statistical analysis known!

Men who are unromantic enough to propose marriage by email are (statistically speaking) more likely to respond to pornographic spam!

A Helpful Hint
It seems to me there isn't much advice I need to give about pornographic spam. Delete it.

And guys...don't propose marriage by email. It's just plain unromantic.

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